scarytinyturtlebutt:

vampireapologist:

vampireapologist:

the human body is so fake like i’ll be reading the news and it’s like “25 year old woman free falls 1,500 feet into 25 feet of snow, found alive and uninjured” and while I’m absolutely reeling over that I don’t even have time to process it fully before I look at the next article “25 year old man falls into shallow end of pool, dies instantly.”

like our bodies literally have the durability predictability of an iphone

one time I misjudged how steep a “hill” was and proceeded to slide down the slope of a cliff for a full half minute and hit the bottom unscathed.

then I tripped on the stairs on my way to see Neon Genesis Evangelion and shattered my entire kneecap.

I had a history teacher in hs who was hit by lightning multiple times and got kicked in the chest by a kangaroo back when it was legal to have them in a circus and they had you try and fight one (don’t) for like a minute and got straight laid out. He had a friend who fell off a step-ladder, like maybe two feet off the ground, something to laugh and shake off maybe, turned out the guy had insta-died on impact cause he hit his neck wrong.