just-shower-thoughts:

Someone should start a GoFundMe page with the goal of buying senators internet history.

swarnpert:

shittyidea:

An economy that relies on crime

capitalism

ouijaboarding:

Sending a long meaningful message and getting a one word reply

killthebeatlesofficial:

canadad:

chicken noodle soup is just pasta with obstacles

my life is just pasta with obstacles 

“supermom”: loses baby weight immediately, works outside the home, cooks all 3 meals for whole family, prepares packed lunches, cleans whole house, microcleans daily and constantly (dishes, laundry, folding laundry, wiping counters, sweeping, organizing, picking up after children), stays pretty, nurtures and feeds infants, emotionally supports children, brings children to extracurricular activities, puts children to sleep, grooms children, micro-grooms all day (wipes mouths, cleans hands, changes diapers), bathes children, clothes children, shops for children, grocery shops,
“superdad”: braids his daughter’s hair

nobeatnomelody:

First semester: I’m passionately smashin’ every expectation

Second semester: I am more than willing to die

communistbakery:

fuckingpunchmeintheface:

communistbakery:

growing up with three parents was really weird

what?? u had three parents??

yeah my mom’s a gemini