my friend is studying for the mcat and was just trying to explain to me about heat transfer and she said ‘you know, like the reason you get cold when you go outside on a freezing day is that your tiny human body is trying to warm up the entire universe’ and i think that’s the best thing i have ever heard
when you pull your headphones out of your pocket and out comes your keys, money, tampons and russia
ok i’ve had so many people asking me why i, a boy, would have tampons in my pocket, but not a single person asking me why i, a boy, would have THE ACTUAL NATION OF RUSSIA IN MY POCKET
Everyone knows that Putin made a travel sized Russia
Russian accent:Ah yes I make perfect country to Putin your pocket
Fiction: I hate sewing, it’s so fucking pointless and lame. My sisters and my mom are so stupid, I’m smart, I’m going to go ride my pony and learn how to use a sword. Rar, I’m fierce.
History: Without my needle, you would all be naked and dead. Excuse me, I have to go throw a party and negotiate a land deal.
tr*mp just FIRED THE ACTING ATTORNEY GENERAL for saying she wouldn’t defend the immigration ban in court because she didn’t think it was legal. SHE WAS FIRED FOR DISSENTING. SHE WAS FIRED FOR DOING HER JOB. REMEMBER THIS. THIS IS THE BEGINNING OF A PUBLIC PURGE OF DISSENTERS.
I know this is meant to be a funny but funfact! The lotus set in Magic: The Gathering is bar-none the most expensive set in history, getting a whole set for a 60-card average deck would easily cost more than the car pictured. This card alone is worth nearly 20k, with some others costing several thousand dollars.
If a guy ever spreads a rumor that he slept with you, don’t deny it. One, because there will always be people who think it’s true, and two, because that dumbass boy just handed you the power to say anything you want about what he’s like in bed, and people will believe it. Say he bleats like a sheep when he orgasms. Say he put on pearl earrings and asked you to call him Daisy. Say he couldn’t get it up until he watched an old Billy Mays infomercial. The power is yours.
Let's Talk About the Universe 