me: is sad
me: remembers that george washington’s doctor recommended that he take some time and relax for his health so naturally the most relaxing thing he could think of doing was taking alexander hamilton and thomas jefferson fishing with him which went about as well as you’d expect
me: still sad but now i’m laughing through the pain

here’s how i single-handedly made this website worse this year:

setheverman:

you: yikes
me, an intellectual: yicycles

dersely:

momlonde:

do you ever see a photograph of someone really attractive from like the 1800s and you suddenly get pissed because they’ve been dead for like 200 years and you probably don’t have a chance with them

“probably”

me: man i don’t feel depressed at all these days!
also me: never showers, hasn’t cleaned my room in seven months, hardly remembers to brush my teeth, never talks to anyone, never leaves my room, can’t focus on a book for more than two minutes
me: i am Cured

pkmndaisuki:

feynites:

smokesforharris:

generalanger:

muscleluvr2:

the moral of frankenstein is if youre going to build a monster out of dead body parts dont make him like 8 feet tall and super strong

or just love your super strong 8 feet tall son

Like, don’t abandon him because you are scared of him. Like you met him a second ago. He just wants a family

The moral of the story is that you need to be prepared for the realities of parenthood before you commit. Sometimes you get what you expected, sometimes you get an eight foot tall super strong patchwork zombie child, sometimes you get neither of those things. No take-backs.

@queerpyracy

just-shower-thoughts:

Anytime I get the hiccups I worry this will be the time I’ll end up one of those people that gets them and they don’t go away.

morthils:

morthils:

i’d kill for a steady income tbh

so turns out this is called being an assassin. finally, a career for me