qvilligan:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

biggest-gaudiest-patronuses:

me, late 20s, discovering i love to cook, and have neck pain: holy shit i’m going to turn into a person who does yoga

me, buying paper napkins and eyebanging a herb garden: i’m having an identity crisis 

me: *reaches automatically for coaster, catches sight of my reflection in my newly purchased wine glasses that were on sale*: i don’t know who you are anymore

“i’m not a fan of embellishments on throw pillows, they tend to snag” I say, and gasp in horror at what I’ve become

“Did you know they make odorized garbage bags now?” I say without flinching,  the sclerae of my eyes as black and ashen as my soul

Eyebanging a Herb Garden

wanderingempress:

“Women are emotional in order to feel the divine energy at the highest levels and be supreme healers and lovers and mothers. Not to drive men insane. Her deep spiritual connection to feelings is to inspire a man to his spiritual heights as well. She is not a nag, she is an oracle.”

— Raja Khan

rangerairmide:

nqnqnq:

coolator:

lamdiel:

I wish dates didn’t have such strong romantic attachment to them.

Like, I wish I could go up to a friend of mine and be like, “Hey I want to take you to a nice restaurant. Let’s get dressed up fancy and go.”

We’d go have a fancyass dinner, but there’d be no romantic involvement.

I wish platonic dates were a common thing.

I would take each and every one of you on platonic dates.

does nobody on tumblr have friends

For real tho can anybody explain the difference between romantic and platonic friendship, for someone who has neither,

in a romantic relationships you speak latin and your empire falls, and in platonic relationships you speak greek and think about caves

cwote:

i-peed-so-hard-i-laughed:

vethox:

I’m constantly torn between “if it’s meant to be, it will be” and “if you want it, go and get it.”

“if it’s meant to be, it will be” – friendships, relationships, people in general coming into your life, dealing with rejection

“if you want it, go get it” – your goals, aspirations, work and work ethic, changing your life (diet, exercise, hobbies, political views, opinions)

^this seemed important

rainbowtalks:

dotingdamen:

when my dad moved away from home he needed a place to live, so he went to look at this one potential apartment. the only questions the landlady asked him were where he was born and when. when my dad told him, the landlady pulled out this huuuge astrology chart book. she looked at it for a long time in silence and finally said, “acceptable”

this is funny and awful at the same time

xphilosoraptorx:

armchair-factotum:

darkvioletcloud:

amandabel1man:

regularlesbian:

toastpotent:

pukicho:

mymindsecho:

lizq-vs-the-kitkatuprising:

im-a-tnuc:

I don’t know why, but I think some Americans don’t realise how big the UK is….

American Customer: you’re English right? Do you know the bookshop between Wales and Bristol that has lots of books in?

Me in my head: yeah mate, I know that one. Classic. Love to pop down there on a cheeky break between work. What a wanker…

the continuous 48 states are is almost 39x the size of the isle of great britan

that’s your answer

For reference:

That’s JUST Texas.

When will the UK learn that they are puny little ants in which to be crushed???

where’s that post where the british person was like “oh yeah i only get to see my dad 2-3 times a year because he lives so far away :/” and a person asked “oh no how far away is he?” and the british person said “75 minutes”

op it literally takes about 20 minutes to get to wales from bristol, op that’s a reasonable question do you understand geography

leave europe alone you fucking colonizers

It takes my mom an hour to drive to work. Sometimes more. Europeans are cowards.

“Leave Europe alone you fucking colonizers”

Should we tell them?