do you ever bite into a piece of cheese on bread and immediately find yourself as a true and honest shepherd boy in the 1300s who sometimes steals apples but is overall hale and truehearted
Weird. I bit into bread and cheese and find myself mischievous knave from the 1500s as ready to drink an ale in good company as to cut the purse of a lord, but is an overall wastrel.
i bite in to bread and cheese and im ratatouille bitch
bella was lucky she didn’t have a cell phone of any kind because you know ya boi edward would be blowing up that phone 24-7 going “saw a snail today…. effervescent” or some shit equivalent
Reblog this if you’re pro-receiving a brown paper package containing one (1) handwritten love letter, a small jar of strawberry jam from the farmers market, and a smattering of pressed flowers.
I can’t believe that the government is watching our every move and yet they refused to warn me that I was about to walk into a Panera where THREE of my exes were working together.
Hey, the government? You could’ve texted me. You’ve got GPS; they’ve got their jobs on Facebook; I know you know we dated. You knew, you have the technology, and you just let me walk in there, make eye contact with them, and walk out without ordering anything. Fuck you. I hate this country.
My favourite thing about the tags and replies on this post is that they’re full of people legitimately slut-shaming me for having dated three people who ended up working at the same place. Like I’m some compulsive bread whore. Like I just shoved a whole Panera up my ass one day.
Do straight people not understand the small town phenomena where 1.) there are a maximum of ten LGBT+ people that you’re even vaguely compatible with, and so you all just end up dating each other at one point or another, and 2.) word gets around that the manager of a specific business isn’t a blatant homophobe, and so it ends up becoming staffed entirely by LGBT+ people despite not being an inherently gay establishment? You guys don’t just have, like, that one Taco Bell where everyone is a lesbian?
My new favourite part about the tags on this post is everyone either tagging this as stuff like, “we don’t have a lesbian taco bell but we have a trans petsmart” and “oh you mean the five guys where everyone’s bi yeah we have that”, or straight cis people being all, “UGH THE GAYS ALWAYS THINK THEY’RE SO SPECIAL. THERE ARE BUSINESSES WHERE EVERYONE IS STRAIGHT, TOO,” as though anyone would ever come out to someone who felt like that comment necessary.
i think the best practical joke any video game pulled was Skyrim opening their game making you think the rebellion was this amazing noble cause against an oppressive government (as most fantasy universes frame it), but then you pretty much immediately find out that the stormcloaks are just racists with swords and the empire isn’t really all that terrible save your standard government problems.
yall are gonna have to stop sending me messages about how im an imperial government of tamriel apologist
the greybeards aren’t any help either. or the blades. Skyrim is just a bunch of rednecks who hate each other.
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