Alexa release the serotonin
if catholicism/christianity is fake… mary really was in that for the long haul. she pulled the longest con in existence & even got her kid in on it
mary’s friend gabriel who knocked her up: you told joseph i was a what now?
mary, taking a sip of her coffee: an angel, gabe. try to keep up.
joseph: what the hell, you’re pregnant?
mary, about to invent christianity: oh? you haven’t heard?
petty-dabbler-of-the-dark-arts:
my favorite thing about “fbi/nsa agent monitoring my computer” things is it implies that there is at least one agent for every single person on earth with a computer
NSA agent Soulmate AU
The zombie outbreak started 2 years ago now you find yourself cornered by a decaying zombie when you do the unthinkable and bite it first when it falls to the floor and grows its skin back and sits up and asks what is going on
This may be the best subversive idea for zombie apocalypse stories i think I’ve ever seen.
“How the fuck did you know that would work?”
“I didn’t, dude, I just fucking panicked.”
What if the sun doesn’t actually hurt vampires?
Vampires are just nocturnal, the same way we are diurnal. A vampire could go out during the day, but they would just rather be sleeping.
Vampires are just afraid of the light, the same way we are afraid of the dark. Their eyes are meant to see in the dark, so they just can’t see very well in the light. It hurts their eyes and they can’t see what’s around them, so it’s just scary.
Some vampire was probably too afraid to admit that he was afraid of the light, so he made up a fake allergy to the sun. Word got out to mortals, so we just assumed that all vampires are allergic to the sun. You know how mortals like to stereotype and whatnot.
But imagine pop, sunny vampires that are the vampire version of goth, dark humans. They like to go out in the sun and wear bright clothes, and the other vampires think it’s metal as fuck. “Oh, you know Victoria Anne III? Yeah she’s totally pop. Her friends call her Susan.”
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