just-shower-thoughts:

“Kindle” is a pretty sinister name for a product that is in direct competition with print books…

guiltmenot:

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks, “What’s this about?” The bartender replies, “Well, if you can jump up and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone’s drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?” The guy replies, “Nah, the steaks are too high.”

lameprlncess:

a good artist knows where to draw the line

jobhaver:

jobhaver:

you: that is a nice ass shirt

me: thank you but, to be honest, its called “pants” and not an “ass shirt”

thanks for enjoying this joke, everyone

eggtrolls:

god I’m absolutely going to hell I’m sorry guys 

I was at my friend’s engagement party yesterday and everyone was about to do cheers with these nasty ass shots of blue tequila but I don’t drink and I especially do not drink tequila, blue or otherwise, so I grabbed a piece of bread from the basket on the table and just tapped it against people’s glasses like it was a legitimate beverage instead of a wheat byproduct 

and one of my friends was like ‘ho what in god’s name are you doing’ 

and I didn’t know how to say I would rather slice of my own foot than drink tequila so I just held my bread up and said ‘I’m toasting’ 

and in that moment I felt my soul descend directly into the eighteenth circle of hell

datkarkatass:

the-stars-descend:

the-stars-descend:

You’re living, you occupy space, and you have mass.

You know what that means?

You matter

this is the most inspirational pun i have ever seen