The signs as things my friend said the first time she got high

shitty-horoscopes:

Aries: “I work out I’m stronger than you ahhhh!”

Taurus: “Allison, Allison, Allison the skittles in my mouth are red and green like Christmas!! *sticks out tongue* ahhhh”

Gemini: he’s in Ireland cuz his grandmas dying – “honestly who even believes that story”

Cancer: “I only got ready in 20 minutes but damn I look cute as hell”

Leo: “do you think if I knock on the ra’s door he’ll make out with me”

Virgo: gets caught trying to sneak out “ugh” *rolls eyes and storms back to her room*

Libra: “just give me one pillow I’ll sleep on the floor”

Scorpio: “this blunt is gonna make his dick taste funny”

Sagittarius: “there’s like probably 2 beds so I can sleep on one while they fuck on the other”

Capricorn: “I’ll be fine I have water in my room… And there might even be an apple in my desk!”

Aquarius: *falls asleep in an uber but promptly wakes up to sing control by drake*

Pieces: “methinks I should – that’s Shakespeare”